Climbing the Alps and standing in the depths of icy crevasses were normal pastimes for me as a kid. Family summer holidays were spent touring Europe in our old Volkswagon Beetle; camping, climbing, and exploring. I started skiing at the age of five, and had ascended many three-thousanders by the time I was twelve.
I did these things because I was lucky enough to have parents who are adventurers. They brought my sister and me up with the confidence to take risks, and I feel immensely grateful that I had this childhood (thanks Mum and Dad 🙏😊).
When parents provide their children with the space to try stuff out, get things wrong, and work out how to put it right all by themselves, they are instilling in them the belief that they can succeed, no matter what. They are teaching them to try, even if they aren't certain of the outcome.
This confidence and risk-tolerant behaviour has shown up at various points throughout my lifetime. It hasn't left me.
I never doubted my decision to launch Soberistas, or packing in my job at the local university in order to run it full time. Prior to that, I never doubted my decision to stop drinking alcohol (granted, getting there took a long time but, once I arrived at a place where I knew I had to be sober, I got on with it and NQTD (never questioned the decision), even though I was terrified. I went back to university aged 35 to do a law degree and spent all my savings doing so. In the early aftermath of my divorce, I took my then four-year-old to New York City on a whim when I'd never before been out of Europe, just because I felt compelled to go and witness something bigger than that which I had already.
A few weeks ago, I was in the gym facing a box that I had consistently failed to jump onto since I first started working my way around the circuits there. This box, 24 inches high, was my nemesis. I'd been trying and failing for months, my brain refusing to accept that I could land on the thing, convincing me instead that I would fall short and hurt myself in the process of jumping. On this one occasion, however, frustrated as I was in not mastering this box, I got my mind into gear to land on it. I focused for a few seconds, located the part of my brain that tells me I can do something despite the surface resistance, fears and self-doubt, and told myself I could do it. I visualised it. Saw it. Felt the sensation of landing on the box squarely with both feet.
And I did it. Then I kept on doing it, just because it felt so good to have finally conquered my stubborn mental block.
I consider this part of my brain to be a secret weapon. It gets me out of my comfort zone and forces me into new places, risks, growth opportunities. I am lucky that this self-belief was built into me from early childhood, but it's possible to foster a risk-tolerant mindset if you were not brought up with one.
8 Steps to build a risk tolerant mindset for greater confidence and satisfaction
Understand what is outside of your comfort zone. What do you really want but feel scared to go after? Draw a circle and then write inside it the things that characterise your comfort zone. On the outside of the circle, write the things that feel the scariest - your discomforts.
Now, using the above set of "discomforts", write underneath each one what your fear is about that particular thing. For instance, if it's stopping drinking, what are you scared of in relation to that goal? What's keeping you in your comfort zone (drinking) and unable to move out of the circle and towards the sober goal?
Create a subgoal of learning to be comfortable with discomfort. All behaviour change inevitably comes from a place of discomfort so, in order to change, we have to be ok with feeling uncomfortable. Feeling uncomfortable is only an emotion, a sensation. The world is not going to implode because you have stepped outside of the circle. Learn to live with it - discomfort is good. It means you are growing.
Stop being scared of failing, and let go of your desire to be perfect. Perfect is rubbish!! It means we don't grow - ergo, we never change and improve ourselves. Failure is a brilliant teacher, and to prove it, here are some notable examples: - Thomas Edison made 10,000 failed lightbulbs before finding a design that worked. - Bill Gates’ first business collapsed before it got off the ground. - Nintendo launched various products that didn’t make it big (from the Virtual Boy to the Satellaview) before they got it right.
Interact and be influenced by other risk takers. Do not constantly surround yourself with people who play it safe and never take risks.
Start small. Build up slowly from no risks to the ones that will get you to your end goal. If you jump in feet first and try to do the big thing all at once, you could get overwhelmed and run back into your safety zone. Go steady, take baby steps, and, eventually, you'll get there.
Learn to recognise your thought distortions and the words of other people that have been holding you back. "Don't get ideas above your station", "Know your place", "Be grateful for what you've got and stop looking for more". None of these are helpful but you've probably been told them many times in your lifetime. Instead, I like to say things to myself like: "If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try.'"— Seth Godin "The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.'"— Moliere "I don't run away from a challenge because I'm afraid. I run toward it because the only way to escape fear is to trample it beneath your foot.'"— Nadia Comaneci
Laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously. Let go of the shit times and know you'll get it right eventually. Don't define yourself by the defeats. Define yourself by the effort you keep putting into trying again.
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